Way back when the one word thing wasn't a thing yet, I had a word. Don't get me wrong, the one word movement - I think it's a movement - is amazing. And profound. I love this time of year when people are pondering their word for the year ahead. Cool stories of how it comes from unexpected places. Inspiration from unlikely sources. Then to watch as that word takes shape in their lives and blossoms as the year progresses. Back then, before I knew the concept, I just grabbed my word with both hands and hung on for dear life. And kept the same word for years and years. Again, wasn't aware of the one-word-a-year policy (joking)! I'm forever putting rules in place where there are none - some might say this is a character flaw. Comes in handy, though, when there's chaos. And when isn't there chaos? Huh?
So. My word. It sprang from inadequacies stacked up like cord wood with a pile of shame for kindling. Always striving to do more, to be more. To eclipse my identity with a better one - reinvent myself as one worthy and beloved. Live up to expectations - some implied but most imagined. After I about wore myself out with the trying, I sought wise counsel. Bought-and-paid-for guidance up out of my carefully created, albeit slimy, pit. It was a comfortable pit, I must say, good wallowing spot if you don't mind the goop. But I had started minding. And raised up a muddy hand for some help. There were tough questions and uncomfortable revelations, but one slippery foothold after another, I fought to regain a standing place. A new territory where I was able to catch my breath and mutter this one-word. Enough. I have done enough. I have worked enough. I have bowed and scraped enough. I have given enough. I am enough. I am. Enough. And year after year after year I desperately whispered my word in the dark until I came to believe it. Still do, most days. It is a lovely word, my word. Enough.
Make no mistake, redemption like this is not about force of will or personal strength and fortitude. It isn't accomplished by finding the right self-help book and working the program. It is a labor of grace. The Graceful One bending near and proving over and over that he is more than willing to bear the scandal of loving his poor, misguided creatures. In our weakness, he is strong. In our worthlessness, he is treasure. He builds up broken walls and restores demolished breaches. And if ever we beloved ones begin to sink down, he tilts shame-dragging-faces upward and smiles us back whole. Blessed is he who heals every wound and restores every regret.
This year, for the first time since I can remember, I'm striking out toward the next twelve months packing a new word. Here it is: wordsmith. I know. Not your ordinary inspirational word. But wordsmith - a skilled user of words - that's what I want to be. I'm making this promise to be faithful in writing down whatever God sends my way. Like a secretary/scribe taking down dictation. Yes. Just like that. That will be enough. Selah.
If you have no idea what the one-word-thing is, read this: My One Word: Change Your Life With Just One Word by Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen - I've known Mike and Julie Ashcraft a long time. They are the real deal.
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